My waking thoughts were thinking of if I should think. Although such thoughts feel distant today, had I not kept a journal, I would not have realized the number of days I struggled like that.
Falling into what felt like a catch-22, of needing to use my brain to figure out how to fix it yet by doing so, I would cause symptoms to appear.
In the end, these were my solutions.
“You tried for a year and where are you now?”
Still lost, still hurt, it made me pause. In the sport doctor’s office was the first time I realized my fault. It sank in that I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. So I sat down and listened.
I accepted my current state of possibly never becoming who I wanted to be. It had been more than a year since the accident and after missing my objectives to improve so many times, it was scary… yet quite intriguing that I was losing the mind that I was so proud of.
I contemplated this for the rest of the trip that I had set off on for my recovery. It felt like a purge of ego that got me to appreciate what I can still do.
Also… a king of coming back from injuries-
“Understanding that I didn’t need to fight to be better, giving up on it was when I got better.” -Dominick Cruz